11 August 2013
The theatre was filled to capacity and thousands were turned away disappointed for Wii’s plenary address on “Archeological relics of the Greater New York City Subway System.” Amidst the chanting and throwing of rolls of toilet paper, Wii ascended the state to deliver a stunning multi-media presentation that proposed that nothing of interest to an archeologists could be found in the Greater New York City Subway System. It is a remarkably bold theory, but Wii’s subtle reasoning was persuasive. There is great anticipation of his proposed follow-up investigation of “Certain archeological aspects of the London Underground.”
I was trapped during the poster session by a fanatical amateur scientist who is convinced that aardvarks evolved from armadillos because they are so close together in the alphabet. With quivering eyebrows and shaking hands he cornered me so that I could not approach the coffee stand. He delivered a forty-five minute monologue on this theory, which came to him in a dream after consuming three kilos of Blood Wurst in a single sitting. "Please wait here," I told him when I was finally able to get a word in, "I must introduce you to the President of the Society so he can hear these amazing ideas directly from the source." For all I know, he is still standing among the posters, waiting.
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