Saturday 10 August 2013

Live blogging from the 75th Annual Fictional Scientific Conference, Part 2

Note: The second entry from this groundbreaking scientific conference.

10 August 2013

During the general meeting of The Society, an official Subcommittee of the International Union of Federated Scientific Sciences, Research Division, was established to examine the role of the Multinational Society for Interdisciplinary Organic Biology's plans for a symposium on Biogenetic Resource Management in Industrial and Third World Nations proposed for Honolulu, Hawaii in January 2014.  Concerns that granting agencies might interpret a winter conference in Hawaii as a thinly disguised excuse for a tropical vacation were dismissed by members of the subcommittee, who preferred to ensure that their members get a fair share of the delegates.

A hysterical mob of groupies stormed the opening session, easily overpowering the guards, who did not even have enough time to load their weapons. Krantz was promptly surrounded and thrown to the floor by a gang of screaming teenagers who immediately began trying to extract his pocket protector, while nearby Hugenot was backed into a corner by five girls wearing too much lipstick who demanded his forceps. Someone ran past yelling, “I’ve got Oskarmeier's objective!” We were rescued at last by the police force dressed in full riot gear, who shouted through a megaphone, “Please leave the scientists alone or there will be no more monographs.” At this, the girls seemed to lose heart, and order was restored in time for Welworth’s keynote address on, “Lead guitar for the world class Scientist.”

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