Punch drunk

In high school, scientists-in-training learn that the alcohol they drink to become silly is really called ethanol, often abbreviated as EtOH. They stop speaking of alcohol with lust and veneration and start admiring ethanol instead, as if the new word was a passcode to a secret world. A career in science can expose you to a vast supply of the stuff, and all the temptation that implies.

 

Because of its taxation potential when sold for human consumption, laboratory use of ethanol is heavily regulated in most countries. When sold to labs, it is subject to fewer of the taxes that make liquor so expensive. We use it to sterilize surfaces, preserve specimens, dissolve substances, and because it is highly flammable, as a fuel in portable burners. Many restrictions are imposed to prevent it from being consumed by students, technicians or professors. It is sometimes cut with rubbing alcohol (methanol), which as any educated adult knows, can make you go blind. Such toxified ethanol used to be dyed blue to indicate its added danger. But for many scientific uses, ethanol must be as pure as possible and then what do you do? Previously in Canada, control was at the gallon level; now, the jugs are locked up and we account for every millilitre used.

 

Even if ethanol is altered with something more poisonous, talented chemistry students or professors who know some chemistry can easily redistill and purify it, and formulate a drink far stronger than anything possible with mere vodka. Of course, you have to trust the technical acumen of the distiller and the cleanliness of the lab glassware. 

There are many urban myths about drinks made with lab ethanol. To my knowledge, I never consumed any such liquids, perhaps only because I never liked fruit punch. Coworkers, well... a female colleague once tried to pull my pants down at a Christmas party after she had a bit too much. Karaoke sessions become boisterous and incoherent, but what's surprising about that? Most students don't have cars anyway. The biggest danger is getting lost, either by getting on the wrong bus or falling into a snowbank.

 

I've lost a few colleagues to alcoholism. We can't blame spiked lab punch. The phrase 'punch drunk' refers to the disorientation battered boxers experience as they stagger around the ring after losing a fight. Sometimes life and the working world feels like that. Drink numbs the pain; sometimes drink becomes the pain. With its demands for creativity, productivity and the accompanying criticality, sometimes a career in science feels like a battle. We all feel a little punch drunk at times.